TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-25-25
APPROVED
Student Loan Samantha
Strength60
Speed90
Endurance80
Technique88
Molecular Density2.0
Existential Dread98
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Student Loan Samantha VS Returns Policy Rita
Returns Policy Rita
65Strength
75Speed
80Endurance
98Technique
2.2Molecular Density
88Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Returns Policy Rita
Violence concluded.
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