TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-29-25
APPROVED
The Rock Johnson
Strength90
Speed80
Endurance85
Technique85
Molecular Density3.5
Existential Dread20
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Rock Johnson VS What Even Is This
What Even Is This
65Strength
90Speed
65Endurance
90Technique
1.1Molecular Density
95Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Rock Johnson
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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