TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-29-25
APPROVED
Spandex Nightmare
Strength75
Speed90
Endurance78
Technique92
Molecular Density2.9
Existential Dread50
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Spandex Nightmare VS Bacon Windfall
Bacon Windfall
88Strength
70Speed
82Endurance
78Technique
2.8Molecular Density
18Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Spandex Nightmare
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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