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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
10-03-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, October 3, 2025 at 5:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Moist Carl

Moist Carl

Strength93
Speed81
Endurance74
Technique60
Molecular Density61.4
Existential Dread86
Fingers10
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Moist Carl VS Loch Ness Monster
Loch Ness Monster

Loch Ness Monster

83Strength
70Speed
76Endurance
71Technique
28.4Molecular Density
62Existential Dread
15Fingers
8Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Loch Ness Monster
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule