TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-04-25
APPROVED
Pork Chop Paradise
Strength91
Speed65
Endurance85
Technique75
Molecular Density3.2
Existential Dread8
Fingers9
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Pork Chop Paradise VS One More Episode Ed
One More Episode Ed
49Strength
69Speed
84Endurance
88Technique
1.9Molecular Density
75Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Pork Chop Paradise
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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