TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-04-25
APPROVED
Polymer McGillicuddy
Strength88
Speed75
Endurance91
Technique80
Molecular Density4.2
Existential Dread65
Fingers13
Toes7
TALE OF THE TAPE
Polymer McGillicuddy VS Pork Chop Paradise
Pork Chop Paradise
91Strength
65Speed
85Endurance
75Technique
3.2Molecular Density
8Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Pork Chop Paradise
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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