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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
10-06-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, October 6, 2025 at 12:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Messy Tessie

Messy Tessie

Strength65
Speed80
Endurance60
Technique75
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread30
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Messy Tessie VS Fish Summer
Fish Summer

Fish Summer

40Strength
98Speed
60Endurance
82Technique
1.1Molecular Density
40Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Messy Tessie
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule