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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
10-13-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, October 13, 2025 at 9:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Depression Bear

Depression Bear

Strength95
Speed45
Endurance95
Technique70
Molecular Density4.1
Existential Dread90
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Depression Bear VS Tutorial Skip Tony
Tutorial Skip Tony

Tutorial Skip Tony

82Strength
100Speed
61Endurance
77Technique
2.4Molecular Density
65Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Tutorial Skip Tony
Violence concluded.
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