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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
10-20-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, October 20, 2025 at 4:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Crisis Carl "Wakes Up Screaming"

Crisis Carl "Wakes Up Screaming"

Strength85
Speed75
Endurance70
Technique70
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread89
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Crisis Carl "Wakes Up Screaming" VS Bolognese Blitz
Bolognese Blitz

Bolognese Blitz

90Strength
70Speed
80Endurance
60Technique
3.3Molecular Density
30Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Crisis Carl "Wakes Up Screaming"
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule