TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-01-25
APPROVED
Artisanal Windbreaker
Strength42
Speed65
Endurance48
Technique68
Molecular Density0.9
Existential Dread92
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Artisanal Windbreaker VS Dishwasher Diane "The Unsung Hero"
Dishwasher Diane "The Unsung Hero"
80Strength
60Speed
95Endurance
88Technique
2.8Molecular Density
55Existential Dread
8Fingers
12Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Dishwasher Diane "The Unsung Hero"
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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