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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
11-01-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, November 1, 2025 at 10:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Crying in Cars Caroline

Crying in Cars Caroline

Strength70
Speed86
Endurance62
Technique83
Molecular Density1.8
Existential Dread92
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Crying in Cars Caroline VS Anarchy Moonbeam
Anarchy Moonbeam

Anarchy Moonbeam

65Strength
92Speed
68Endurance
95Technique
1.6Molecular Density
98Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Crying in Cars Caroline
Violence concluded.
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