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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
11-04-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, November 4, 2025 at 5:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Dead Houseplant Duncan

Dead Houseplant Duncan

Strength75
Speed70
Endurance85
Technique70
Molecular Density1.5
Existential Dread64
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Dead Houseplant Duncan VS French Toast Fury
French Toast Fury

French Toast Fury

82Strength
69Speed
76Endurance
73Technique
2.6Molecular Density
28Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

French Toast Fury
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule