TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-02-25
APPROVED
Spandex Nightmare
Strength75
Speed90
Endurance78
Technique92
Molecular Density2.9
Existential Dread50
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Spandex Nightmare VS Stu Trololol
Stu Trololol
25Strength
60Speed
40Endurance
95Technique
1.3Molecular Density
75Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Spandex Nightmare
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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