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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
11-17-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, November 17, 2025 at 5:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Slobby Joe Jr.

Slobby Joe Jr.

Strength96
Speed75
Endurance60
Technique69
Molecular Density30.0
Existential Dread98
Fingers12
Toes6
TALE OF THE TAPE
Slobby Joe Jr. VS The First Prime Number
The First Prime Number

The First Prime Number

78Strength
76Speed
60Endurance
86Technique
72.1Molecular Density
9Existential Dread
12Fingers
12Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The First Prime Number
Violence concluded.
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