TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-17-25
APPROVED
The Unlicensed Magician
Strength104
Speed47
Endurance87
Technique62
Molecular Density73.2
Existential Dread100
Fingers10
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Unlicensed Magician VS Sandy Britches
Sandy Britches
70Strength
63Speed
96Endurance
71Technique
65.4Molecular Density
54Existential Dread
9Fingers
7Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Unlicensed Magician
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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