TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-17-25
APPROVED
Sausage Festival
Strength85
Speed68
Endurance90
Technique72
Molecular Density3.1
Existential Dread22
Fingers8
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Sausage Festival VS Lars Ulrich
Lars Ulrich
60Strength
95Speed
70Endurance
90Technique
2.2Molecular Density
65Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Sausage Festival
Violence concluded.
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