TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-18-25
APPROVED
Stapler Steve “Office Ninja”
Strength85
Speed85
Endurance60
Technique70
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread22
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Stapler Steve “Office Ninja” VS Gas Berger
Gas Berger
120Strength
100Speed
50Endurance
30Technique
19.0Molecular Density
82Existential Dread
9Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Gas Berger
Violence concluded.
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