TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-18-25
APPROVED
Clippy “It Looks Like You're Dying”
Strength70
Speed90
Endurance60
Technique80
Molecular Density1.3
Existential Dread52
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Clippy “It Looks Like You're Dying” VS Dead Houseplant Duncan
Dead Houseplant Duncan
75Strength
70Speed
85Endurance
70Technique
1.5Molecular Density
64Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Dead Houseplant Duncan
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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