TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-04-25
APPROVED
Keyboard Warrior Kyle
Strength40
Speed95
Endurance60
Technique85
Molecular Density1.1
Existential Dread95
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Keyboard Warrior Kyle VS Pocket Protector Pete
Pocket Protector Pete
50Strength
40Speed
60Endurance
70Technique
1.5Molecular Density
75Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Pocket Protector Pete
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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