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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
11-26-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Wednesday, November 26, 2025 at 4:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
The Algorithm

The Algorithm

Strength85
Speed75
Endurance60
Technique80
Molecular Density4.2
Existential Dread66
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Algorithm VS The Thing in the Air Ducts
The Thing in the Air Ducts

The Thing in the Air Ducts

70Strength
70Speed
70Endurance
90Technique
0.7Molecular Density
98Existential Dread
6Fingers
4Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The Thing in the Air Ducts
Violence concluded.
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