TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-29-25
APPROVED
Donut Handler
Strength79
Speed64
Endurance88
Technique79
Molecular Density62.7
Existential Dread49
Fingers8
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Donut Handler VS Grill Master Gary
Grill Master Gary
90Strength
55Speed
85Endurance
75Technique
2.9Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Donut Handler
Violence concluded.
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