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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-01-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, December 1, 2025 at 12:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Artisanal Windbreaker

Artisanal Windbreaker

Strength42
Speed65
Endurance48
Technique68
Molecular Density0.9
Existential Dread92
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Artisanal Windbreaker VS Howie Dorough
Howie Dorough

Howie Dorough

40Strength
65Speed
55Endurance
82Technique
1.4Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Artisanal Windbreaker
Violence concluded.
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