TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-01-25
APPROVED
Neckbeard Nathan
Strength65
Speed60
Endurance85
Technique95
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread92
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Neckbeard Nathan VS Crying in Cars Caroline
Crying in Cars Caroline
70Strength
86Speed
62Endurance
83Technique
1.8Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Crying in Cars Caroline
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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