TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-02-25
APPROVED
Deductible Dave "The Crusher"
Strength71
Speed85
Endurance70
Technique74
Molecular Density3.2
Existential Dread63
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Deductible Dave "The Crusher" VS Wet Sock Walking Willie
☠️ Wet Sock Walking Willie ☠️
66Strength
79Speed
83Endurance
72Technique
1.9Molecular Density
57Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Deductible Dave "The Crusher"
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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