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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-02-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, December 2, 2025 at 8:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Depression Bear

☠️ Depression Bear ☠️

Strength95
Speed45
Endurance95
Technique70
Molecular Density4.1
Existential Dread90
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Depression Bear VS The Finger Counter
The Finger Counter

The Finger Counter

65Strength
85Speed
70Endurance
90Technique
2.7Molecular Density
25Existential Dread
23Fingers
7Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The Finger Counter
Violence concluded.
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