TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-03-25
APPROVED
Fists McExistential
Strength88
Speed55
Endurance70
Technique62
Molecular Density0.9
Existential Dread97
Fingers8
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Fists McExistential VS Captain Yawnpunch
Captain Yawnpunch
55Strength
38Speed
88Endurance
84Technique
1.2Molecular Density
67Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Fists McExistential
Violence concluded.
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