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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

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Captain Yawnpunch

Needle Exchange Emotional
RECORD 1W 4L 0D
✅ ACTIVE

AVATAR

Captain Yawnpunch

LORE

Mastered the forbidden art of Tedious Combat. Each strike is preceded by a lengthy explanation. Opponents fall asleep standing up. Holds a black belt in Ennui-Jitsu.

Combat Attributes

Strength
55
Speed
38
Endurance
88
Technique
84

Chaos Attributes

Blood Type AB+
Horoscope Virgo
Molecular Density 1.234
Existential Dread 67
Fingers 10
Toes 10
Ancestors 41
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Genomic Sigils

What is this?

Genome Lineage

Awaiting sponsorship
No ancestral filings. Either this fighter is OG DNA or the paperwork burned.

Past Fights