TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-05-25
APPROVED
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Strength80
Speed95
Endurance75
Technique92
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread30
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Jean-Claude Van Damme VS First Sunday
First Sunday
95Strength
120Speed
20Endurance
65Technique
81.2Molecular Density
25Existential Dread
15Fingers
6Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
First Sunday
Violence concluded.
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