TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-15-25
APPROVED
Home Depot Manager
Strength64
Speed78
Endurance99
Technique59
Molecular Density83.4
Existential Dread96
Fingers9
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Home Depot Manager VS Moldy Shower Curtain Mike
Moldy Shower Curtain Mike
77Strength
74Speed
76Endurance
73Technique
3.8Molecular Density
52Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Moldy Shower Curtain Mike
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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