TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-31-25
APPROVED
Toaster Bath
Strength55
Speed75
Endurance77
Technique93
Molecular Density33.0
Existential Dread24
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Toaster Bath VS Moist Carl
Moist Carl
90Strength
82Speed
73Endurance
59Technique
61.4Molecular Density
86Existential Dread
10Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Moist Carl
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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