TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-31-25
APPROVED
Derek Moneyberg
Strength71
Speed71
Endurance86
Technique72
Molecular Density57.2
Existential Dread45
Fingers13
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Derek Moneyberg VS Loch Ness Monster
Loch Ness Monster
83Strength
70Speed
76Endurance
71Technique
28.4Molecular Density
62Existential Dread
15Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Loch Ness Monster
Violence concluded.
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