TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
12-31-25
APPROVED
Grad Student Gary "Unpaid Labor"
Strength55
Speed85
Endurance70
Technique95
Molecular Density1.6
Existential Dread95
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Grad Student Gary "Unpaid Labor" VS Shuffleboard Shirley
Shuffleboard Shirley
50Strength
75Speed
85Endurance
95Technique
1.3Molecular Density
50Existential Dread
10Fingers
7Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Shuffleboard Shirley
Violence concluded.
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