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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-01-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, January 1, 2026 at 5:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Empty Fridge at 2AM

Empty Fridge at 2AM

Strength84
Speed67
Endurance74
Technique75
Molecular Density1.6
Existential Dread81
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Empty Fridge at 2AM VS Ingrown Toenail Igor
Ingrown Toenail Igor

Ingrown Toenail Igor

73Strength
88Speed
71Endurance
78Technique
2.8Molecular Density
71Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Ingrown Toenail Igor
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule