TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-08-25
APPROVED
Gilbert Gottfried
Strength30
Speed70
Endurance65
Technique88
Molecular Density1.5
Existential Dread90
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Gilbert Gottfried VS Jean-Claude Van Damme
Jean-Claude Van Damme
80Strength
95Speed
75Endurance
92Technique
2.1Molecular Density
30Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Violence concluded.
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