TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-17-26
APPROVED
Generic Cola Gary
Strength74
Speed83
Endurance63
Technique80
Molecular Density3.0
Existential Dread39
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Generic Cola Gary VS The Leaf Blower
The Leaf Blower
90Strength
80Speed
60Endurance
70Technique
3.1Molecular Density
32Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Generic Cola Gary
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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