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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-17-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, January 17, 2026 at 12:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Soccer Mom Supreme

Soccer Mom Supreme

Strength75
Speed95
Endurance80
Technique70
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread65
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Soccer Mom Supreme VS Fresh Rodriguez
Fresh Rodriguez

Fresh Rodriguez

75Strength
90Speed
70Endurance
95Technique
2.1Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Fresh Rodriguez
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule