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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-17-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, January 17, 2026 at 6:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Thilly Gooth

Thilly Gooth

Strength80
Speed50
Endurance108
Technique62
Molecular Density86.3
Existential Dread81
Fingers12
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Thilly Gooth VS Teflon Moonbeam
Teflon Moonbeam

Teflon Moonbeam

80Strength
85Speed
81Endurance
88Technique
3.7Molecular Density
70Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Teflon Moonbeam
Violence concluded.
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