TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-17-26
APPROVED
Beans McBlase
Strength70
Speed80
Endurance75
Technique90
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread45
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Beans McBlase VS Cabbage Jenkins
Cabbage Jenkins
66Strength
71Speed
86Endurance
77Technique
67.5Molecular Density
41Existential Dread
11Fingers
7Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Beans McBlase
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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