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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-17-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, January 17, 2026 at 11:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Low Battery Mode

Low Battery Mode

Strength102
Speed2
Endurance104
Technique105
Molecular Density10.0
Existential Dread99
Fingers20
Toes20
TALE OF THE TAPE
Low Battery Mode VS Beef Injection
Beef Injection

Beef Injection

92Strength
85Speed
89Endurance
75Technique
3.8Molecular Density
5Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Low Battery Mode
Violence concluded.
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