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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-19-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, January 19, 2026 at 8:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
PTA Meeting Patricia

PTA Meeting Patricia

Strength65
Speed85
Endurance70
Technique92
Molecular Density2.0
Existential Dread82
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
PTA Meeting Patricia VS Shuffleboard Shirley
Shuffleboard Shirley

Shuffleboard Shirley

50Strength
75Speed
85Endurance
95Technique
1.3Molecular Density
50Existential Dread
10Fingers
7Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

PTA Meeting Patricia
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule