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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-20-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, January 20, 2026 at 7:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Bot Account Barbara

Bot Account Barbara

Strength85
Speed98
Endurance55
Technique75
Molecular Density0.5
Existential Dread70
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Bot Account Barbara VS Early Bird Eddie
Early Bird Eddie

Early Bird Eddie

65Strength
90Speed
70Endurance
88Technique
1.6Molecular Density
60Existential Dread
9Fingers
8Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Early Bird Eddie
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule