TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-25-25
APPROVED
Tale of the Broken Elevator
Strength80
Speed60
Endurance90
Technique95
Molecular Density2.7
Existential Dread80
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Tale of the Broken Elevator VS Brisket Friendo
Brisket Friendo
85Strength
65Speed
80Endurance
75Technique
2.8Molecular Density
25Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Brisket Friendo
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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