TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-25-25
APPROVED
Polymer McGillicuddy
Strength88
Speed75
Endurance91
Technique80
Molecular Density4.2
Existential Dread65
Fingers13
Toes7
TALE OF THE TAPE
Polymer McGillicuddy VS TikTok Tiffany "Viral Violence"
TikTok Tiffany "Viral Violence"
40Strength
98Speed
55Endurance
88Technique
0.8Molecular Density
85Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Polymer McGillicuddy
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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