TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
07-26-25
APPROVED
Student Loan Samantha
Strength60
Speed90
Endurance80
Technique88
Molecular Density2.0
Existential Dread98
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Student Loan Samantha VS Verne Troyer
Verne Troyer
35Strength
70Speed
60Endurance
85Technique
1.1Molecular Density
55Existential Dread
8Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Student Loan Samantha
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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