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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
08-22-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, August 22, 2025 at 5:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Anxiety Duck

Anxiety Duck

Strength40
Speed98
Endurance60
Technique85
Molecular Density0.8
Existential Dread95
Fingers2
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Anxiety Duck VS Karen "Compliance" Thompson
Karen "Compliance" Thompson

Karen "Compliance" Thompson

65Strength
70Speed
80Endurance
95Technique
2.1Molecular Density
88Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Anxiety Duck
Violence concluded.
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