TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-28-25
APPROVED
Keanu Reeves
Strength85
Speed95
Endurance80
Technique90
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread10
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Keanu Reeves VS What Even Is This
What Even Is This
65Strength
90Speed
65Endurance
90Technique
1.1Molecular Density
95Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Keanu Reeves
Violence concluded.
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