TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-28-25
APPROVED
Pork Chop Paradise
Strength91
Speed65
Endurance85
Technique75
Molecular Density3.2
Existential Dread8
Fingers9
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Pork Chop Paradise VS Justin Timberlake
Justin Timberlake
65Strength
85Speed
80Endurance
91Technique
2.0Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Pork Chop Paradise
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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