TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
08-29-25
APPROVED
Self-Checkout Stan
Strength80
Speed70
Endurance95
Technique85
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread90
Fingers9
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
Self-Checkout Stan VS Bigfoot Believer Brenda
Bigfoot Believer Brenda
90Strength
85Speed
80Endurance
70Technique
4.2Molecular Density
80Existential Dread
13Fingers
7Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Bigfoot Believer Brenda
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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