TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-06-25
APPROVED
Pangolin Ruiz
Strength80
Speed50
Endurance95
Technique70
Molecular Density4.8
Existential Dread35
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Pangolin Ruiz VS Black Friday Brenda
Black Friday Brenda
95Strength
85Speed
90Endurance
75Technique
3.5Molecular Density
60Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Pangolin Ruiz
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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