TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-13-25
APPROVED
Kennedy Loser
Strength30
Speed40
Endurance35
Technique45
Molecular Density1.0
Existential Dread99
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Kennedy Loser VS Hot Dog Roller Helena
Hot Dog Roller Helena
75Strength
85Speed
80Endurance
85Technique
2.3Molecular Density
50Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Kennedy Loser
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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